I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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