break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
