Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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