i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
