Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
