if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
