i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
