So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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