I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
