I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
