you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So much rum. So many feels.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
