Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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