I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
