I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize