I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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