Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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