Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize