Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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