why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
