Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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