So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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