all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
