We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
