rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
