Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
