I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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