VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
