what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
