But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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