i would punch a child for taco bell
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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