Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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