I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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