I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
