dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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