Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
