You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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