Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
