"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
