There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
