rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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