Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
whose parrot is this?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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