I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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