Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
