Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
