I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
