Swine flu. Run for my life!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
