Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
