last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
