I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
