you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
