Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
