the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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