girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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