lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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