I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
