As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
