TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
