You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
