I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
