I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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