just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he puts the penis in happiness.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
