apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
