take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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