So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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