I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
